Mike or The Don plays Cupid

Another year, another Valentine’s Day successfully navigated.

It’s a time when a fat little baby appears in commercials and magazines and in shopfronts everywhere. Blonde ringlets, a freshly Napisan’d nappy and a totally-unsuitable-for-children bow and arrow set apparently represent love and matchmaking.

Still poops in his pants, but apparently smart enough to make life-altering decisions for total strangers.

However, for the sake of argument, we thought about Cupid’s wishlist in the sporting world… and here’s what we came up with…Match One: LeBron James and Maria Sharapova

Somewhere in the world right now a team of Nike Executives are meeting and hatching a plot to make this a reality. NBA Superstar James and Tennis Shrieker Sharapova would produce babies with freakish athleticism and outstanding vocal cords. Nike James-Sharapova. Hmmm… Has a ring to it.

Now now... inside voices, children!

Match Two: Tim Cahill and Sally Pearson

Soccer Star Cahill and Hurdle Champ Pearson are both notable for their leaping abilities and passion for all things Australia. These two would produce either a World Champion high jumper or a nationalist politician. Let’s all hope it’s the former.

They must both eat a lot of Kangaroo!!!! Get it!!!? Cos Kangaroos are Aussie and jump a lot?!!!! ... ... ... No? ... ... ... Anyone?

Match Three: Lauren Jackson and Yao Ming

A few years ago there was a totally unsubstantiated and wildly speculative rumour that the world’s greatest ever female basketballer, 6-foot-5-inch Australian Lauren Jackson, had a romantic involvement with 7-foot-6-inch Yao Ming, China’s greatest ever male basketballer. Imagine the height and basketball skill of their offpsring… Hmmm… AUSTRALIA CALLS SHOTGUN!

"Bring it, China!" -- Australia

Match Four: Pharlap and Black Caviar

Seriously, we’re nearly two whole decades removed from Jurassic Park… surely we have the whole DNA extraction thing perfected at this point?! Take some Pharlap genes(Australia’s greatest ever stayer) and pop them in a petri dish with some Black Caviar genes (Australia’s greatever ever sprinter). Play some Michael Buble tracks to the petri dish. Wait a few months and, if my understandingof genetics is correct, a ridiculously fast horse should grow in the petri dish. Simple. How am I the first person to think of this?

OK... so I'm probably second after Jeff... but whatever...

Match Five: The Wallabies and the Argentinean Mens National Football Team
The Wallabies play Rugby Union, which as we’ve discussed makes them more manly than David Boon mig welding a Monster Truck chassis. The Argentinean football team, on the other hand, have been world leaders in gender equality for many years. It’s a well known fact that Argentina have been cosistently selecting female players to fill roles in their Mens’ side, despite many failed World Cup bids. An admirable show of equality. Together, the manliness of the Wallabies and the femenimity of the Argentinean footballers would see sparks fly, for sure!

Say hello to some of Argentina's finest...

Hmmm, what’s that?


Those are dudes?!

Wow. OK. The haircuts threw me. My bad.



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