An Open Letter to George R.R. Martin: Please kill Khaleesi

Dear George R.R. Martin,

I want you to kill Khaleesi.

Kill her, George.

Kill her, and don’t have her come back. No resurrection, please.

Because the series will be so much more INTERESTING once she’s gone.

You see, George, the “Endgame” of the series is what fascinates me most.

Sure, the plots and machinations that take us there are interesting, the history and character developments are interesting…

Continue reading

If every AFL team was a Game of Thrones character

With Season 7 of Game of Thrones nearly upon us, it’s time to ask the obvious questions:

1. What will happen when Daenerys gets to Westeros?
2. How will Jon Snow manage his new role as King in the North?
3. How crazy can Cersei get with her back to the wall and enemies closing in?
4. How can we work AFL into a Game of Thrones discussion?

Also when can we get some more of this badass?

Well, don’t worry… here at Mike or The Don, we’ve got Question 4 covered…
ADELAIDE CROWS
The Adelaide Crows are Daenerys Targaryen. They’re currently in the lead and looking strong, they have had to travel a lot, and they’ve both overcome the loss of their most accomplished knight (Patrick Dangerfield or Barristan Selmy). They’re willing to rip the odd heart out to get what they want.

Would be willing to eat Port Adelaide’s still-beating heart.

Continue reading

Exclusive Interview with AFL Rules Committee Member

Mike or The Don has secured a Top-Secret interview with an anonymous member of the AFL’s “Laws of the Game” Committee to discuss the many controversies around recent AFL rule changes.

More contentious than the Australian Constitution

Full Disclosure: He was paid half a Nutella Donut and a small bottle of Sprite for the interview, which may or may not be entirely made up.

To protect his identity, we’ll call him “Barry McRuleFace”

 

So, Barry McRuleFace, thanks for joining us.

No problem.

So you’ve probably heard the complaints about the rule changes?

Continue reading

Bring on AFL 2017!

The AFL season is upon us. There is a lot to look forward to, such as:

The resurrection – finally – of the Essendon Football Club.

Thank every deity you can name, folks, we made it. We bloody made it.

Half a decade after the whole debacle actually took place, the Bombers are once again playing for Premiership points with a full side and without a cloud hanging over their heads.

Despite the very best efforts of the Herald Sun to keep this saga alive, most sane AFL fans will just be happy to either cheer or jeer the Bombers for what’s happening on the MCG instead of the courtroom.

"Dammit! We'll have to do some actual journalistic work if people stop reading our re-re-re-re-printed Essendon Drug Scandal stories!" -- Herald Sun Editor

“Dammit! We’ll have to do some actual journalistic work if people stop reading our re-re-re-re-printed Essendon Drug Scandal stories!” — Herald Sun Editor

Sure, they’ll be booed and sledged and teased and mocked by some fans and some opponents, and there are serious ongoing issues concerning James Hird, but in practical sporting terms the Club and the League can close the whole damn chapter.

Continue reading

Brandon Ingram and the curse of the Laker fanbase

You know that feeling you get when you’re talking to someone and they have food stuck to their teeth?

You can’t quite bring yourself to tell them, because you’re just hoping it’s obvious enough they’ll feel it themselves and fix it.

Now imagine it’s happening during a conversation with someone you clash with, someone you’re not friends with. Someone you really, truly dislike.

Part of you is reveling in their stupidity, their obvious lack of awareness, the fact that they look like an idiot… and yet another part of you just wants them to get the damn spinach off your teeth seriously dude how can you not feel that?!

This is how I feel about the Los Angeles Lakers and Brandon Ingram.

AFL Women’s and the Alternate Australia

Amongst the overwhelming support for the opening round of AFL women’s, there were some pretty disappointing (and yet utterly predictable) opinions doing the rounds.

The players were tough-as-nails, but some less-charitable armchair experts chose to focus on the skill errors and low scores as evidence that the concept is doomed.

A more valid opinion? GWS's colours are horrific.

A more valid opinion? GWS’s colours are horrific.

So this is an invitation to those people.

Let’s go on a journey together, to an alternate reality.

Continue reading