Australia’s Winter Olympics Disaster

Federal Minister for Sport Bridget McKenzie has announced an immediate Super Duper Royal Commission into Australia’s horrific performance at the 2018 Pyeongchang Winter Olympic Games.

“We’re Australia. We’re bloody sporty and it’s looking like we’re not even going to win a single bloody gold medal,” Ms McKenzie said. “It’s a bloody disgrace. These athletes should be ashamed at letting this whole nation down so badly.”

Minister for Sport Bridget McKenzie is unhappy with our Winter performance, photographed here alongside Minister for BomChikaBowWow Barnaby Joyce.

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Craig Foster and the Bias of the Australian Sports Commission 

It’s a FIFA World Cup year!

The Greatest Sporting Event on Earth is around 120 days away, and we’re sending the Australian squad for the fourth consecutive tournament after the hellish saga that was Asian qualifying.

There’s zero chance we win the tournament, but (despite all the naysaying) it really is remarkable that Australia made the tournament at all with the squad we have and the lack of support it receives.

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Getting on my high horse for the Melbourne Cup

The Melbourne Cup is upon us.

It is Australia’s Greatest Race (except most of us can’t remember who won last year), and it’s the race that stops the Nation (except for the 80% of the country who don’t get a public holiday).

More people cared about these horses than the Melbourne Cup, anyway.

This year I’ve decided that, apart from entering a casual $2 sweep among friends, I’m not going to bet on the Cup.

*Cue gasps from the marketing teams at the 212981 Sportsbetting Apps on the market*

Now, I don’t have a problem with someone gambling within their means. It’s your money to (probably) lose.

And all she did was install two betting Apps…

But usually that’s gambling on the outcome of a footy match… or a cricket match… or a ball spinning on a roulette wheel…

The Melbourne Cup involves horses.

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If every AFL team was a Game of Thrones character

With Season 7 of Game of Thrones nearly upon us, it’s time to ask the obvious questions:

1. What will happen when Daenerys gets to Westeros?
2. How will Jon Snow manage his new role as King in the North?
3. How crazy can Cersei get with her back to the wall and enemies closing in?
4. How can we work AFL into a Game of Thrones discussion?

Also when can we get some more of this badass?

Well, don’t worry… here at Mike or The Don, we’ve got Question 4 covered…
ADELAIDE CROWS
The Adelaide Crows are Daenerys Targaryen. They’re currently in the lead and looking strong, they have had to travel a lot, and they’ve both overcome the loss of their most accomplished knight (Patrick Dangerfield or Barristan Selmy). They’re willing to rip the odd heart out to get what they want.

Would be willing to eat Port Adelaide’s still-beating heart.

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Exclusive Interview with AFL Rules Committee Member

Mike or The Don has secured a Top-Secret interview with an anonymous member of the AFL’s “Laws of the Game” Committee to discuss the many controversies around recent AFL rule changes.

More contentious than the Australian Constitution

Full Disclosure: He was paid half a Nutella Donut and a small bottle of Sprite for the interview, which may or may not be entirely made up.

To protect his identity, we’ll call him “Barry McRuleFace”

 

So, Barry McRuleFace, thanks for joining us.

No problem.

So you’ve probably heard the complaints about the rule changes?

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Brandon Ingram and the curse of the Laker fanbase

You know that feeling you get when you’re talking to someone and they have food stuck to their teeth?

You can’t quite bring yourself to tell them, because you’re just hoping it’s obvious enough they’ll feel it themselves and fix it.

Now imagine it’s happening during a conversation with someone you clash with, someone you’re not friends with. Someone you really, truly dislike.

Part of you is reveling in their stupidity, their obvious lack of awareness, the fact that they look like an idiot… and yet another part of you just wants them to get the damn spinach off your teeth seriously dude how can you not feel that?!

This is how I feel about the Los Angeles Lakers and Brandon Ingram.