If every AFL team was a Game of Thrones character

With Season 7 of Game of Thrones nearly upon us, it’s time to ask the obvious questions:

1. What will happen when Daenerys gets to Westeros?
2. How will Jon Snow manage his new role as King in the North?
3. How crazy can Cersei get with her back to the wall and enemies closing in?
4. How can we work AFL into a Game of Thrones discussion?

Also when can we get some more of this badass?

Well, don’t worry… here at Mike or The Don, we’ve got Question 4 covered…
ADELAIDE CROWS
The Adelaide Crows are Daenerys Targaryen. They’re currently in the lead and looking strong, they have had to travel a lot, and they’ve both overcome the loss of their most accomplished knight (Patrick Dangerfield or Barristan Selmy). They’re willing to rip the odd heart out to get what they want.

Would be willing to eat Port Adelaide’s still-beating heart.

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Exclusive Interview with AFL Rules Committee Member

Mike or The Don has secured a Top-Secret interview with an anonymous member of the AFL’s “Laws of the Game” Committee to discuss the many controversies around recent AFL rule changes.

More contentious than the Australian Constitution

Full Disclosure: He was paid half a Nutella Donut and a small bottle of Sprite for the interview, which may or may not be entirely made up.

To protect his identity, we’ll call him “Barry McRuleFace”

 

So, Barry McRuleFace, thanks for joining us.

No problem.

So you’ve probably heard the complaints about the rule changes?

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AFL Women’s and the Alternate Australia

Amongst the overwhelming support for the opening round of AFL women’s, there were some pretty disappointing (and yet utterly predictable) opinions doing the rounds.

The players were tough-as-nails, but some less-charitable armchair experts chose to focus on the skill errors and low scores as evidence that the concept is doomed.

A more valid opinion? GWS's colours are horrific.

A more valid opinion? GWS’s colours are horrific.

So this is an invitation to those people.

Let’s go on a journey together, to an alternate reality.

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The AFL needs a mercy rule

I believe the AFL should implement a “mercy rule” for lopsided games.

When a team is up by 60 points or more at halftime, the game should end.

This might seem drastic, but I think the benefits outweigh the costs… and it could be the solution to “Tanking” that the AFL has desperately searched for!

No dramas, I've got a mate who's a panel beater...

No dramas, I’ve got a mate who’s a panel beater…

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Most overrated moves in sport

 

  1. The Beatles’ musical talent.
  2. Jennifer Lawrence’s acting ability.
  3. Nutella.

Yes, many things in life are overrated.

People, it's just sugar, palm oil, fake flavour, and some nuts... let's dial our Nutella-Love down a notch, shall we?

People, it’s just sugar, palm oil, fake flavour, and some nuts… let’s dial our Nutella-Love down a notch, shall we?

Sports is particularly susceptible to this, as marketing departments and fierce loyalties converge.

Entire populations become irrationally certain that a particular player is the best, a certain team is unstoppable, or a particular league is the pinnacle of their sport.

But if we drill right down, we even find that particular moves can be overrated.

Things like…

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Luke Hodge and the PR Machine

When Luke Hodge leads the Hawks onto the MCG this Friday night, it will represent a triumph of public relations and corporate skulduggery.

He shouldn’t be there. It’s as simple as that. He should no longer be Captain of Hawthorn, and he certainly shouldn’t be running out onto the field this weekend.

This will happen... and that's a shame.

This will happen… and that’s a shame.

For two reasons:

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AFL Grand Final Preview 2014 – Hawthorn v Sydney Swans

Every Grand Final Preview essentially is trying to crack the question: who will win the big game? This simple yet somewhat challenging question can baffle even the most expert minds. And at the end of reading these previews you can be scratching your head, seemingly no closer to understanding why Expert Person A has tipped Sydney by 12 points, or why Expert Person B has picked the Hawks in a nail-biter.

Who won’t be fake-smiling at 5.30pm on Saturday?

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